How to love.

"Love begins at home, and it is not how much we do...but how much love we put into that action." Mother Teresa

I saw this quote on line the other evening, and it really hit home for me. Not just for the fact that I admire and think Mother Teresa was a wonderful human being. For the fact that this is so true, especially for us parents of drug addicts. It is not the things we do or do not so that show love. Every action we do for our children that are addicts is out of love. We love our children when they use and when they are not using. We love them even when they steal and lie. Even as they manipulate us, vanish and turn into people we don't know right before our eyes. We never stop loving our children. This is so hard for parents that do not have addicted children to understand. How can we allow this child lie, steal and disrupt our household over and over, yet still love them? Many of these parents say throw them out of you home, or cut them out of your lives. They are causing you nothing but heartache. Yes, while that may be true, and our hearts ache very deeply, for they are still our children. Most parents are not wired to turn off that love or simply walk away. I know I certainly am not. What they fail to realize, when we throw our children out, we stay up each night in fear of where they are, and if are they ok.  Each time a phone rings we panic and feel dread. Addiction really redefines our love as a parent and how we love our children. Whether we decide to let our children live with us, help them financially while they are in active addiction , that choice is out of love for our children. Or, we may choose to take a step back, from seeing how they are destroying themselves and us from their addiction. Detaching with love. We are detaching from the addiction, and all of the behaviors that come with it, not our children. As much as we love our children, and would give them the moon, we have to learn to to do what works for us.  To the parents that are so lucky not to have an addict for a child, I say no matter what choice the parent of a drug addict make, there is not right or wrong. For all choices are made out of love.

Ads that glorify Drug Use. NO WAY!!!!

This is the dumbest and most offensive thing to many people... They were called out by many people, so now they are posting that they're going to donate a portion of the proceeds to the Medicine Abuse Project. Which is run by The Partnership at Drugfree.org. Who are helping fight to have these shirts removed from the stores. How does that make sense? I am tired of stores that wants publicity good or bad exploiting drugs and addictions as if it is a joke or normal. Boycott Kistin LA... they are yucky!! 

Parents Of Drug Addicts 1st annual conference!! (PODA)

PODA  (Parents Of Drug Addicts) CONFERENCE INFO: Dates ,  February 20 Thursday, through Sunday 23. Myrtle Beach SC. Room, conference, breakfast each am is included. We are having a meet and greet dinner Thursday evening. Friday night we are doing our own thing for dinner, Sat winding it up with dinner. And as of now rooms are ocean front.
Rates are as follows:
Single Occupancy: $350.00 per person
Double Occupancy : $275.00 per person.
We are going to have a masseuse there, yoga instructor. Several Speakers, And of course Goodie Bags:) Cindy and I are now working on this like crazy!! We have 20 rooms blocked at the moment. Here is the link to the hotel. I moved places due to better rooms, and value for us. I am setting up a website this week, where you can directly by tickets to the conference. You can email  as well. Our email is Parentsofdrugaddicts@gmail.com.

Hoping for the best..

My son calls me a few weeks ago, and asks if he can move in with us. The first reaction is panic. I start to think, is he clean, is he running away? I also felt so awful as a Mother to even think those things and be terrified of him coming home. I felt sad, that I feel that way.

Since history has a way of repeating itself. I was afraid. Each time he came home things would be great for a while. Then slowly go down hill fast. Every time he comes home, it is worse than the last.

I am not sure what to do, he is alone in another state. I miss him and feel awful he is not hear with us. Do I let him come here and hold my breath in fear of what will happen? Do I tell him no and he then is angry with me and I may not hear from him. I love my son so very much, having to make this decision was so hard.

This would not be hard if he was not a drug addict. If he was at college, or on his own like a "normal" kid, I know I would not hesitate to let him move in.  But I know he is not taking that fact that he is an addict seriously. He is thinks he is OK, and that is scary. I know he needs support, and he refused to admit it. He is not using hard drugs, but he does drink. And I am not willing to have that in my home. Not that I am against drinking, but for my son in recovery I am.

I also think of the things that happened last time he was home, and how it effected my daughter and our life. I know I cannot let him come her. I cry, I get a headache. I am not good for anything that day. I tell him no.

He gets furious, told me I told him whenever he needs a place he could stay here was a lie.He is tired of being the black sheep of the family. I get that, but this is of his own doing, no one made him make the choices he did. Trust is not built over night, and he has not shown me he is clean. He needs to prove that he is changing. He cannot want to move here with no plan, now job. I did say that he could move here, but I did not think it would be in three months. I now feel guilty and like an awful Mom.... but I know I am doing what I need to. He is an adult and needs to learn how to be one. This killed me.

A week later he calls and asks again, and this time has found out about school and getting a job here, reluctantly I say yes. He did do the things I asked of him. Then I tell him ONE slip up he is out. He understands. Then he asks is there room there for him, I tell him since we downsized with the move, he has the sofa.

 About a few hours later, he texts me he is not coming. He is going back to the state he was in for rehab. And may be staying at a sober house. I am glad, glad he is taking responsibility for his life and addictions. And relived that he is not coming here , while he is still not one hundred percent clean and sober.

My daughter who is visiting my parents in our old neighborhood gets to see him. My parents take her and my son to dinner. She tells me he is going back to where he was living last year and he looks really good. He tells them at dinner that he was going to come here but knows we would fight the whole time, and close quarters would not be good.

I am glad he sees that, and I hope he finds his way.

Blog is back :)

I know it has been some time since I have written. I was getting my book together, which will be out very soon. I know that I had to wait but to be honest I missed blogging very much. Much has changed since the pause in my blog. I now have a rather large twitter following, as well as speaking a various places. My group I started is growing  daily. It all amazes me. I never thought by expressing how I felt about my sons addiction would impact and help so many people. I simply started it to vent and see if others may feel this way as well. It was overwhelming, in a great way.

I was shocked to say the least, that were so many of "me" out there! Parents that are going through the same thing I am, yet very far or different walks of  life all together  But have a child is an addict in common. It saddened me, but brought me great comfort and relief.

I recently have moved, starting over with my life and daughter. Free of all the drama that was where we lived. It was hard. My daughter was judged off of her brothers actions, as well as my "bad" parenting. Having an addict for a son.

We moved to get a fresh start, to begin a life where no one knew about all the drama, turmoil, police visits, lack of money. To start over with a clean slate.
But what I failed to see, that no matter how far I may be from my son. His addiction sill effects me, maybe not so close and directly but it does.  I love him very much and will always worry.  I worry since we have left, but it is different. I know that I gave him the tools, as well as all the programs he has been in to make the correct choices. So I am learning, to talk to him, not at him. And to have faith in him and tell him I love him.

I hope that this is a great new start not only for myself and daughter, but also for my son.

xxoo

Waiting...

I know many are waiting for the blog to come back, and it will very soon. My book will be finished by the end of this month. Sorry for the delay. If you are looking for support, please click on the link to the right for the Parents of Drug Addicts Support Group... see you soon!!